I told Johnny I’d write this year’s Valentines post and make it about cat rescues, big and and small. Big and small cats, that is. I think that will help me get away with the post he and the other bosses never wanted to see, because “not our image,” you know?
But cold hard fact here: Valentine’s Day is miserable for lotsa folks. So Imma do a public service and tell you how to take revenge that #$@#@!#@~!!! jerk without getting arrested. I work for a lawyer, so I know things.
For instance, the Animal Rescue League of Iowa will neuter your ex for a $15 donation. Well, they’ll name a feral cat after your ex and then spay or neuter them (the cats!) and release them through a trap-neuter-return (TNR) program to stop the breeding cycle. You can give your ex a proper sendoff and help control the community cat population at the same time.
Make a donation to Animal Rescue League of Iowa now through February 14, and include your ex’s name (first names or nicknames only). If you don’t want to be petty, sponsor a pet instead.
Photo from Animal Rescue League of Iowa
Wildcat Ridge Sanctuary can help you with those sad, post-breakup feelings too. They’ll feed an avatar of your ex’s heart (okay, a jello mold full of meat) to one of their big cats. They’ll send you a video too!
Artwork by Wildcat Ridge Sanctuary in Scotts Mills, Oregon
San Antonio Zoo has a Revenge Mode Valentines’ Day offer too. For a small donation, they’ll name a cockroach or rodent after your ex and feed it to the appropriate animal. They have a vegetarian option too.
Artwork by San Antonio Zoo in San Antonio, Texas
Or you can play nice and get an Animal Kiss Video featuring San Antonio zoo residents—now with newly added Aldabra Tortoise, Tamandua, Giraffe, and Porcupine options! Surprise someone special or spread joy on social media with a Kiss-O-Gram.
The zoo claims to be the Valentine’s Day Capital of the World, so check out their other options. You could even take a mini-vacation onsite, if sleeping with the giraffes is your idea of romance. I don’t judge. Every purchase supports wildlife conservation and animal care at San Antonio Zoo.
Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge offers lodging too, if you’re into a more traditional Valentine’s celebration. Sleep among the tigers, bears, and other huge predators (safely, they say) with 25% Off Lodging! Plus, you get complimentary hot chocolate and a 2025 calendar. Use promo code WINTER25 for your February reservations.
Artwork by Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge in Eureka Springs, Arkansas
If you can’t make it to Eureka Springs to see the big cats (and bears—why bears?), you can still purchase a photo magnet of your favorite animals (and more). Until the end of February, get two or more at a discounted rate of $5 each. Every purchase supports the cats! Bears too, I assume.
For a blast from the past, Wildcat Sanctuary offers valentines like we used to hand out in elementary school, only instead of hearts, flowers, superheroes, cartoons, you download or copy photos of feline apex predators. I’m going to hand them out at the office. I just have to decide who gets what. Lions, tigers, cougars, caracals, servals … hard to decide. The links go to their Facebook page, if you still use that app. My granny likes it.
Celebrate, ignore, or get even—you get to choose on Valentine’s Day. Here’s hoping you have love somewhere in your life, whether pet or person. Don’t forget your local shelter or rescue is happy to help a pet find its way to your heart.
Artwork by Wildcat Sanctuary in Sandstone, MN
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